Interview with Bondage/Fetish Model

Jillian Ann

-- Eric, Find and Bind All the Pretty Girls

Not that long. I started [mainstream] modeling at 15, but didn’t make my way into the fetish world till I was 18 1/2. I was a mainstay there till I was 20 so I was involved with that work for a little more a year and half. Also, I wouldn't say that I'm completely retired. I am just now focusing on my music career, but I would still consider doing work that I believe is artistic and beautiful, rather than being all about sex. In other words there are some sites I will shoot for, but it would have to be something I would be willing to hang on my wall or my mother to see. And no nudity. I won't shoot nudes any more…..

At one point, I was considered one the top 10 fetish models, so lots. Music though was always my passion and since I was a child, I had this dream of moving to New York and building a music studio. Fetish modeling let me make that dream come true. All the money I made as a fetish model went into buying music equipment so it essentially paid for my music.

I was always very open-minded person and I would always try anything once. When I was younger, I had a girlfriend who was a professional dominatrix and when I was 18, she introduced me to the lifestyle and to fetish, bondage, and s/m, so I was already familiar with the lifestyle before I started modeling. Then, photographers just kind of figured it out and the next thing I knew, one thing led to another. NewyorkBound.com was one the first sites I worked for and the people there are like family to me. Really nice people. In fact, most of the people in the fetish world are really nice. Kinky, but very nice :) Anyways, eventually I found Cory (Mr. T) at Shortfusevideo.com and he showed me the good side of the business. He became a very close friend and inspiration. He supported my modeling and my music. He became a guardian angel and directed me to good photographers and good places and he taught me how to make websites, how to edit images, how to music. He was a mentor of sorts and he even bought me the KatieJordon.com domain as a birthday present. There was also another who adopted me and also taught me a lot as well, about the history of show business, about how to create personas, about how to live in the wacky world of show business. Both relationships were just friendships, but they were the things I learned from. They were people in the industry who drew me in. Most of them were highly intelligent artists who were very creative. I was attracted to the fetish world, not because of the sexual aspects but because I wanted to learn and the people in the fetish world were more artistic and creative and open. Some were geeks, but they were all very interesting so I was more into the world for reasons than for the sexual aspects, I suppose. I like extremes and it was an extreme.

I stopped working with anyone unless it came through another model or someone I trusted. After being raped and being pushed into a wall a few times in the early days of (my) modeling, I learned that the best way "the Only way" to be safe is to rely on word of mouth referrals. If you trust someone, you know they won't put you in a dangerous situation. By connecting with someone with someone like Mr.T of Shortfuse early on, I learned the dirt on so many so quickly. I knew who was good and whom I should run from. Plus, I was adopted by the older models, who gave me lists of the good people, the ones I trusted. I was watched over, so to speak by many. They gave me advice like not to go alone, connect with someone known. The girls in the business are not cold bitches despite their appearances. If you ask for help, they will help you. You must talk to other girls, work with them. They will tell the truth.

Anything that wasn't boring. I enjoy the artistry, the creativity, the occasional damsel in distress storyline. Even the chessy ones were fun. I never liked, for obvious reasons, the ones that glorify rape and real violence against women.

I would love to have work with Dita, Christopher Mammath, Rachel and Viking, Skin Two, Demask, the European photographers, the stuff that is amazing and beautiful.

Most were, but the ones that really stand out in my mind are Shortfuse, Bondage Café, New York Bound, Tied Girls, Bedroom Bondage and Fetish Nation.

I like to be a bat in a cage. I like to hang upside down. I liked hard bondage. I liked the kind that was a challenge , but I think suspensions were my favorite.

I liked tape best. It was pretty.

Ropes and straps are more artistic. Tape is good sometimes.

Well, I have to say that if it wasn’t for the fetish industry, I wouldn’t be writing music. They have always been my largest supporters. My trip into fetish land as Katie Jordan was my education on how not to be pushed around. I went into the business a broken hearted little girl who had been drugged and raped a few too many times but I always kept my dream of writing music, having my own studio and enjoying a better life. The fetish industry kept me alive long enough to heal and find myself again. They also helped me learn boundaries and that it was okay to say no. I learned to look for truth and to set limits. I learned to take my life into my own hands. I learned that I can say “NO!” and “IT IS MY BODY” and that men are not supposed to take it, it is a gift and it has to be given. I learned how to believe in myself. I learned that I can take almost any amount of human pain and that it is all in the mind. I learned that sometimes things are not what they seem. I learned how to create, how to stay in control. I was fed books, information and ideas. I lived in a world where people were always asking me, “Are you okay? Am I hurting you? Tell me if I am”. It was amazing because in most worlds, people don’t care. They don’t ask. They don’t try to see.

As far as creating music, to say that I learned I can endure and I can survive and I can face my fears gives me the ability to be on stage now. You see, when I went into the fetish world, I was a little girl who felt she was only good for abuse. There, I learned that I was worth something and I shouldn’t allow people to abuse me. I learned that there is line between what is abuse and what isn’t. I learned that I am now no longer a helpless child. I don’t let people abuse. I am worth something. I am no longer helpless. This is my life and no one can take it so by learning that, now when big powerful pushy people in the music world or any other world try to prey off my vulnerable little girl side, I always remember the truth. I cannot be owned. I will not allow anyone to control or own me or my music, or art. They may see a frail little girl, but what they don’t see is the hell I have lived through and the wars I have fought. I also have a few very close friends who watch over and protect me and I also know that I have a huge support of fans and people who are there will be there is I need them. So, when I am on stage and I get scared, I remember hanging upside down and I say to myself, “This is nothing.”

I don’t know. I used all the money I made in the fetish and adult industry to create and fund my music; to buy the equipment for the music studio I always dreamed of having when I was younger, so in one sense, yes. I also don’t really flaunt my life in the fetish world these days and, frankly I am not into pleasing the music industry. My music is new, original and different. The music industry doesn’t know what to with it. What opened the doors for my album deal, for my top 10 in the mp3 charts, for my moving forward in at a rapid pace, is not my sexuality because, as I said, I will not use it for that purpose. Rather, I think it is me being driven and being a workaholic that has opened doors for me. I have been working on this since I was 15 years old. Everything from my body to my mind to my talent remaining in creative control has been going on fro years. It is blood, sweat, and tears that opened the doors and the fact that I won’t die. Many give up, get lazy or stop. I don’t.

To both models and photographers, I would say that they should do something original. If it doesn’t come from your heart, it is most likely cheap and garbage. Why create? Why make pictures? Why do it if you don’t like it or if you don’t believe in it? What makes me depressed is the lack of art, beauty, of anything beyond cheap stuff shot for one reason; money. I was determined to change that as a fetish model and maybe, in ways I did spark something, but, to me, life is art and art is life. Make something you are proud of, make something beautiful, make it art, do the best you can. Don’t just copy everyone else. That is what makes me ill; seeing people all follow each other. Do something different.

And you models, in the fetish industry or mainstream modeling, I would say that they should be smart and honest and be safe; especially be safe. Don’t go to shoots alone. Don’t go to shoots without telling someone where you are. Don’t go to shoots without bringing money so you are not stuck without transportation. Bring a cellphone to call someone for help if you need it. A project I am working on now; “The Black Book Project;” will help models stay safe. I wish someone was around when I was younger to give me this advice. It might have saved me a lot of heartache and pain.

I think that this country’s attitude towards sex has gotten a lot more liberal and open- minded over the years, but it still has a way to go. I don’t think the incident you’re referring to is of any real importance other than for giving publicity to the T.V. show and making it’s producers more money.

No, but I am pretty good about not being seen if I don’t want to be seen. I live in NYC which is one place I don’t to deal with so much staring. I also don’t care and so no one really tries too much. It has happened occasionally. I get people coming up to me a lot and saying “You’re Katie Jordan”, To them, I say, “No, she died. I’m Jillian.” Anyways, it doesn’t happen too often and it hasn’t been negative.

Right now, I am focusing on my music career. I am writing and recording music for an album due out shortly so I am pretty busy. But, to answer your question, if time allowed, I would consider it, but it would have to be something on the very high end. Something beautiful or different or something that I consider art and beautiful. It would also have to be something I would be comfortable with and proud of. I wouldn't do it if it involved nudity, but I like fetishy clothes and corsets, so that would be something I would consider. In other words, beautiful images will always be something I want to create.

Yes, my album will be released by www.emerorpenguinrecordings.com I will be doing a multimedia project with Larry Carlson of www.larrycarlson.com which is sound video and music. I am also doing live shows and touring with Joshua Gabriel of www.joshuagabriel.com. In fact, I am already playing out in NYC and will be doing other cities to once I am done with my album. You learn more at my website; http://Jillianann.com. My art, music and site is fan supported. All the work I do is supported now through photo shoots, donations and CD sales. I am fully supported artist by fans as well as donors and sponsors. In fact, I recently received a grant from the New York Foundation for the Arts. That is how I remaining in creative control of my music and my art. I depend on my fans to keep the art and music site alive. I do it for them and it is because of them that I can continue. The label I have a deal with doesn't give me any money except when records sell. The good thing is that I don't have to take from them because of fans and their support. This way, I can keep creative control and make something besides girl band pop. Call me ethereal punk because, I suppose, that is what I write. Think of Enigma with an attitude:

Okay, anyways, come to my site. It's free. Join my fan club. Come see sing and hear the music. I also put all my journals and diaries from my whole life on my site. All of them and they show the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am giving the public and my fans everything and I want them to take it and enjoy it. This way they can learn about who I really am. It's all real. I can't deal with fake.

And now, I have got to go work on music. Thanks and keep in tune.

Thank you for your time and generosity. It's greatly appreciated.

No. Thank you.

love as always